I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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