dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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