you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
