dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
