I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
