How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
