I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
