You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
