Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
