i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
