Im at strip club and am horny
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
