If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
