i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
