I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He has the fingertips of a God
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