My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
