Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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