i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
