Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
