I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
