her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
