I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
