is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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