I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
vagina is talking i cant
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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