it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
