I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
