I hope mine doesn't look like that
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
