she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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