There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
