Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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