Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
