He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
