Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he thought i was a dude.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
