I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
