do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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