I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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