I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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