If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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