my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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