she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
