My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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