She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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