i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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