Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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