Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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