So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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