I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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