About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
