Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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