I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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