Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
