the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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