If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
