I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
