Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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