she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
