when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
