i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just invented taco cereal.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
