i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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