lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
