I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
