I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
