ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
