listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
