She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Couch. On fire.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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