is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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